《2 new+moon新月》第87章

eyes　wouldn"t　stay　open。　I　rested　my　head　on　her　stone　shoulder；　and　drifted　into　a　more　peaceful　
oblivion　than　I　had　any　hope　of。　
I　woke　early；　from　a　deep　and　dreamless　sleep；　feeling　wellrested；　but　stiff。　I　was　on　the　couch　tucked　
under　the　blankets　I"d　laid　out　for　Alice；　and　I　could　hear　her　and　Charlie　talking　in　the　kitchen。　It　
sounded　like　Charlie　was　fixing　her　breakfast。　
〃How　bad　was　it；　Charlie？〃　Alice　asked　softly；　and　at　first　I　thought　they　were　talking　about　the　
Clearwaters。　
Charlie　sighed。　〃Real　bad。〃　
〃Tell　me　about　it。　I　want　to　know　exactly　what　happened　when　we　left。〃　
There　was　a　pause　while　a　cupboard　door　was　closed　and　a　dial　on　the　stove　was　clicked　off。　I　waited；　
cringing。　
〃I"ve　never　felt　so　helpless；〃　Charlie　began　slowly。　〃I　didn"t　know　what　to　do。　That　first　week—I　thought　I　
was　going　to　have　to　hospitalize　her。　She　wouldn"t　eat　or　drink；　she　wouldn"t　move。　Dr。　Gerandy　was　
throwing　around　words　like　"catatonic；"　but　I　didn"t　let　him　up　to　see　her。　I　was　afraid　it　would　scare　her。〃　
〃She　snapped　out　of　it　though？〃　
〃I　had　Renee　e　to　take　her　to　Florida。　I　just　didn"t　want　to　be　the　one…　if　she　had　to　go　to　a　hospital　
or　something。　I　hoped　being　with　her　mother　would　help。　But　when　we　started　packing　her　clothes；　she　
woke　up　with　a　vengeance。　I"ve　never　seen　Bella　throw　a　fit　like　that。　She　was　never　one　for　the　
tantrums；　but；　boy；　did　she　fly　into　a　fury。　She　threw　her　clothes　everywhere　and　screamed　that　we　
couldn"t　make　her　leave—and　then　she　finally　started　crying。　I　thought　that　would　be　the　turning　point。　I　
didn"t　argue　when　she　insisted　on　staying　here…　and　she　did　seem　to　get　better　at　first…〃　
Charlie　trailed　off。　It　was　hard　listening　to　this；　knowing　how　much　pain　I"d　caused　him。　
〃But？〃　Alice　prompted。　
〃She　went　back　to　school　and　work；　she　ate　and　slept　and　did　her　homework。　She　answered　when　
someone　asked　her　a　direct　question。　But　she　was…　empty。　Her　eyes　were　blank。　There　were　lots　of　
little　things—she　wouldn"t　listen　to　music　anymore；　I　found　a　bunch　of　CDs　broken　in　the　trash。　She　didn"t　
read；　she　wouldn"t　be　in　the　same　room　when　the　TV　was　on；　not　that　she　watched　it　so　much　before。　I　
finally　figured　it　out—she　was　avoiding　everything　that　might　remind　her　of…　him。　
〃We　could　hardly　talk；　I　was　so　worried　about　saying　something　that　would　upset　her—the　littlest　things　
would　make　her　flinch—and　she　never　volunteered　anything。　She　would　just　answer　if　I　asked　her　
something。　
〃She　was　alone　all　the　time。　She　didn"t　call　her　friends　back；　and　after　a　while；　they　stopped　calling。　
〃It　was　night　of　the　living　dead　around　here。　I　still　hear　her　screaming　in　her　sleep…〃　
I　could　almost　see　him　shuddering。　I　shuddered；　too；　remembering。　And　then　I　sighed。　I　hadn"t　fooled　him　
at　all；　not　for　one　second。　
〃I"m　so　sorry；　Charlie；〃　Alice　said；　voice　glum。　
〃It"s　not　your　fault。〃　The　way　he　said　it　made　it　perfectly　clear　that　he　was　holding　someone　responsible。　
〃You　were　always　a　good　friend　to　her。〃　
〃She　seems　better　now；　though。〃　
〃Yeah。　Ever　since　she　started　hanging　out　with　Jacob　Black；　I"ve　noticed　a　real　improvement。　She　has　
some　color　in　her　cheeks　when　she　es　home；　some　light　in　her　eyes。　She"s　happier。〃　He　paused；　and　
his　voice　was　different　when　he　spoke　again。　〃He"s　a　year　or　so　younger　than　her；　and　I　know　she　used　
to　think　of　him　as　a　friend；　but　I　think　maybe　it"s　something　more　now；　or　headed　that　direction；　anyway。〃　
Charlie　said　this　in　a　tone　that　was　almost　belligerent。　It　was　a　warning；　not　for　Alice；　but　for　her　to　pass　
along。　〃Jake"s　old　for　his　years；〃　he　continued；　still　sounding　defensive。　〃He"s　taken　care　of　his　father　
physically　the　way　Bella　took　care　of　her　mother　emotionally。　It　matured　him。　He"s　a　goodlooking　kid；　
too—takes　after　his　mom"s　side。　He"s　good　for　Bella；　you　know；〃　Charlie　insisted。　
〃Then　it"s　good　she　has　him；〃　Alice　agreed。　
Charlie　sighed　out　a　big　gust　of　air；　folding　quickly　to　the　lack　of　opposition。　〃Okay；　so　I　guess　that"s　
overstating　things。　I　don"t　know…　even　with　Jacob；　now　and　then　I　see　something　in　her　eyes；　and　I　
wonder　if　I"ve　ever　grasped　how　much　pain　she"s　really　in　It"s　not　normal；　Alice；　and　it…　it　frightens　me。　
Not　normal　at　all。　Not　like　someone…　left　her；　but　like　someone　died。〃　His　voice　cracked。　
It　was　like　someone　had　died—like　I　had　died。　Because　it　had　been　more　than　just　losing　the　truest　of　
true　loves；　as　if　that　were　not　enough　to　kill　anyone。　It　was　also　losing　a　whole　future；　a　whole　
family—the　whole　life　that　I"d　chosen…　
Charlie　went　on　in　a　hopeless　tone。　〃I　don"t　know　if　she"s　going　to　get　over　it—I"m　not　sure　if　it"s　in　her　
nature　to　heal　from　something　like　this。　She"s　always　been　such　a　constant　little　thing。　She　doesn"t　get　past　
things；　change　her　mind。〃　
〃She"s　one　of　a　kind；〃　Alice　agreed　in　a　dry　voice。　
〃And　Alice…〃　Charlie　hesitated。　〃Now；　you　know　how　fond　I　am　of　you；　and　I　can　tell　that　she"s　happy　
to　see　you；　but…　I"m　a　little　worried　about　what　your　visit　will　do　to　her。〃　
〃So　am　I；　Charlie；　so　am　I。　I　wouldn"t　have　e　if　I"d　had　any　idea。　I"m　sorry。〃　
〃Don"t　apologize；　honey。　Who　knows？　Maybe　it　will　be　good　for　her。〃　
〃I　hope　you"re　right。〃　
There　was　a　long　break　while　forks　scraped　plates　and　Charlie　chewed。　I　wondered　where　Alice　was　
hiding　the　food。　
〃Alice；　I　have　to　ask　you　something；〃　Charlie　said　awkwardly。　
Alice　was　calm。　〃Go　ahead。〃　
〃He"s　not　ing　back　to　visit；　too；　is　he？〃　I　could　hear　the　suppressed　anger　in　Charlie"s　voice。　
Alice　answered　in　a　soft；　reassuring　tone。　〃He　doesn"t　even　know　I"m　here。　The　last　time　I　spoke　with　
him；　he　was　in　South　America。〃　
I　stiffened　as　I　heard　this　new　information；　and　listened　harder。　
〃That"s　something；　at　least。〃　Charlie　snorted。　〃Well；　I　hope　he"s　enjoying　himself。〃　
For　the　first　time；　Alice"s　voice　had　a　bit　of　steel　in　it。　〃I　wouldn"t　make　assumptions；　Charlie。〃　I　knew　
how　her　eyes　would　flash　when　she　used　that　tone。　
A　chair　scooted　from　the　table；　scraping　loudly　across　the　floor。　I　pictured　Charlie　getting　up；　there　was